Sickness will be the end of me

so i have established that losing my voice is one of the worst things that can happen to me.  for those of you who know me, you know that i talk alot. well not alot. alot would be an understatement. but i dont know any words that mean more than a lot. so like i said i talk alot. and me not being able to talk would be like... hmm... empting out Donald Trumps bank account. if you get that analogy. haha. well today has been not a good day. its hard listening to your words come out of someone elses mouth (even if she is your best friend). it made me feel helpless, like i had no voice of my own, like i wasnt important enough for a voice. i know that seems big but thats honestly how i felt.  dont get me wrong nicole did a fantastic job reading what i wrote, shes the only person who i would have wanted to read it because we are such close friends but there is a certian feeling a writer puts into their reading because they know exactly how they want it to be read. they know exactly what word to put the emphasis on in a sentence. they know what words their scribbles actually mean. they just know. they wrote it. i know this shouldnt bug me as much as it does but writing is something really very personal to me.  its been my escape for as long as i remember. from a letter to my best friend in the sixth grade to a chicken scratch poem writen for my mom in kindergarten to the words ive writen in my creative writing note book for the past several months. its all been and expression, an escape, an adventure im waiting to have. its been something i wish i was and something im glad im not. its been my truth and my lies. its been my imagination. its been me. 
anyways besides the nonvoicehavingness ive been really grumpy all day (another reason why today sucks) and when im grumpy i take it out on the people closest to me and then they get mad at me and its one big long cycle that really isnt worth my time but constantly goes on anyway because i can never seem to control my horrible grumpyness. thats something i need to work on this year so that i can be closer to my goal of being a better person before i have to be thrown into the real world filled with people who really arent gonna care about anything. i will refuse to be like them. i will always care. its in my dna.
with all this comes what happened last night (which is the main reason why my day today sucked butt).  a person who has long been out of my life decided to pop back into it.  he sent me a friend request on facebook. (really facebook? wow your really cool) and its still sitting there. i dont know if i have enough energy to be his friend.  every time he "wants to be friends" it always sky rockets out of control and im the one left hurt.  but at the same time im always the one who lets him back in.  im the one who cares to much for my own good. so im torn. i dont know what to do. do i accept the stupid friend request and take the risk of getting hurt again or possibly it going smoothly. or do i deny it right off the bat and never know what was the real motive.. because thats what its always about with him. its always about the motive. but until i make up my mind im torn. i wish things werent always so complicated. but we make them that way i guess.