i should have blogged about it when i had the chance

so basically my life was going splendidly.  my problems were just a speed bump in the back of my mind.  my friends were amazing as usual.  and i had an amazing boy to redirect my thoughts too.  he really was amazing though.  saying every phrase perfectly at all the right moments.  then everything fell apart because of me.. you see on occasion i have a hard time showing emotion towards anyone, even family members mind you, and well the boys brother who is in kowait (i cant spell) bought him and his father tickets to the first game of the world series..  while on the phone with his brother he began to cry.. (when i care about someone if i see them cry it automatically brings tears to my eyes) so i had to turn away.  after all that he came up to me, gave me a hug, and apologized for being so emotional.. i had no words so i blurted out "i couldnt even look at you" (i hate my word vomit very very much) being as he didnt know my little thing about crying he got incredibly defencive. well anyway basically what happened is where not what we were anymore.  and thats why ive been all down lately and the reason why i cried on monday.. i know its stupid of me to cry over a boy. but what you all dont know is it is really hard for me to care about people in that very special way that i care about him.. i havent ever felt this towards someone. not even kenneth for those of you who know that situation.. im so broken up inside currently i dont know what to do with my self.  
He says he doesnt know what he wants and that hes fifty fifty on the fence with what hes going to do and honestly im scared to death of what could happen.. and on top of that i dont know whether i should wait or not.. dont get me wrong he'll always be worth the wait but i dont want to end up flat on my face just like my other situation caused me to be. im just scared. i wish he could understand that. ive tried to explain it to him but he is such a hard head... its pointless to even try.
i hope things go my way but its a common in my life for things to take a turn for the worst when i want them the most.

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait.

Let me start off with, my weekend was absolutely amazing.  it all started when some friends and i decided that we were going to ride up to sonora for the football game together.  the ride up there was pretty funny i wont lie. The game was amazing. Good Job Buffs! keep up the good work.  but the ride home thats what really made the big impact on my entire weekend.  The friends that I rode up to Sonora with were Timmey, Tyler, and Mikey.  Lately Mikey and I have been going back and forth about how we feel about one another but finallly on the ride home the truth came out.
He kissed me. and honestly it was the last thing I ever expected to happen between him and I.  and it wasnt just one of those meaningless kisses either it was one that made my stomach turn in knots and left me speachless.  Its been so long since I've felt that with someone. It made me absolutely the happiest girl in the world.
With all this I cant help but be alittle scared though. 
I've been through alot in my life and its been god knows how long since I genuinely felt something this strong towards someone.  And what makes it even harder is the fact that the last person I felt like this towards took advantage of the situation to the T.  I know I shouldnt compare the too and in a way Im not. but Gahhh with all that alarming fear in my gut I cant help but wonder why I'm still giving everything towards this relationship that hasnt even become something real yet.  Maybe everything really does happen for a reason...?

My Life in Ruins

so basically most of you know that lately my life hasnt been... well... up to par. but what you guys dont know is that its gotten a bit worse. well tuesday i got the unpleasing news that my water had been turned off excellent right? wrong. wednesday i talked to mrs.coyan about all the not so great things that are going down in my life and she gave me a new way to look at it. there comes a point in life where the bad things pile up so high that theres nothing that you can do but look at it comically.  some times i dont know what i would do without mrs.coyan. she's always there with her momish anecdotes and her explanations for every question i can think of. dont get me wrong mrs.haskett is amazing at most of these things as well its just i dunno mrs.coyan is just well... mrs.coyan. im definitely going to miss her so much once i graduate. ill probably come back and see her all the time.  well sorry for the continuous lower case writing. its just somethings just have to come out so fast that there isnt time to worry about capitalization.