i should have blogged about it when i had the chance

so basically my life was going splendidly.  my problems were just a speed bump in the back of my mind.  my friends were amazing as usual.  and i had an amazing boy to redirect my thoughts too.  he really was amazing though.  saying every phrase perfectly at all the right moments.  then everything fell apart because of me.. you see on occasion i have a hard time showing emotion towards anyone, even family members mind you, and well the boys brother who is in kowait (i cant spell) bought him and his father tickets to the first game of the world series..  while on the phone with his brother he began to cry.. (when i care about someone if i see them cry it automatically brings tears to my eyes) so i had to turn away.  after all that he came up to me, gave me a hug, and apologized for being so emotional.. i had no words so i blurted out "i couldnt even look at you" (i hate my word vomit very very much) being as he didnt know my little thing about crying he got incredibly defencive. well anyway basically what happened is where not what we were anymore.  and thats why ive been all down lately and the reason why i cried on monday.. i know its stupid of me to cry over a boy. but what you all dont know is it is really hard for me to care about people in that very special way that i care about him.. i havent ever felt this towards someone. not even kenneth for those of you who know that situation.. im so broken up inside currently i dont know what to do with my self.  
He says he doesnt know what he wants and that hes fifty fifty on the fence with what hes going to do and honestly im scared to death of what could happen.. and on top of that i dont know whether i should wait or not.. dont get me wrong he'll always be worth the wait but i dont want to end up flat on my face just like my other situation caused me to be. im just scared. i wish he could understand that. ive tried to explain it to him but he is such a hard head... its pointless to even try.
i hope things go my way but its a common in my life for things to take a turn for the worst when i want them the most.