My Favorite Movie.

Over the years my favorite movie has gone from Pete's Dragon at the age of five, to The Breakfast Club at the age of ten, to 10 Things I Hate About You at the age of 13, to Pride and Prejudice at the age of 15.  But I think my favorite movie now says the most about me.

My favorite movie now is True Grit, not the new one with though, I'm talking about the old one with John Wayne.  I can remember watching that movie with my grandpa growing up.

My grandpa was my favorite person in the world.  I can remember trying to find any excuse to go to his house after school just so I could hang out with him.  He taught me alot in the short time I was close with him.  He taught me physical things like how to crack an egg and how to set a table, but he also taught me how to be the kindest you could be to anyone who crosses your path.  He was the most wonderful man in the world. 

So like I was saying, my favorite movie is True Grit.  Now my grandpa would say that it wasn't Johns' best movie but thats not the purpose.  I don't want my favorite movie to be someone elses.  My favorite movie has meaning, it has memory, it has my grandpa.

Yeah I know that it's random for an 18 year old girl in 2011 to have a favorite movie that is a western, but I think that also fits me.  I'm not exactly an ordinary gal if you all hadn't noticed yet.

I'm sure I could come up with more reasons why it just so happens to be my favorite movie that's all for now.  :)

When the truth is I miss you.

While I was in the pool yesterday you drove by.  And I couldnt help but wonder if you knew I was in that pool.  If you knew, it was that very street you were driving on, that I first realized I loved every thing about you.  If you knew that my house was only a left turn and a right turn away.  If you drove that way on purpose.  If you ever thought about me because the whole world knows I always think about you.  If you tell her all the things you promised me.  If you ever consider coming back.  If you ever consider my beautiful blue eyes.  If you ever sing her Pink Floyd.  If you ever miss me the way I miss you.

I always tell my self that if you ever came back to me that I'd turn you away... but I know that I never could.  I love you.  I love who you made me.  I love the feeling of your lips on my forehead.  I love the way you'd always call me sunshine when you knew I wasn't in a good mood.  I love the way you could talk to me for a complete day and never run out of things to say.  I loved how you'd show up at my house at mid night because you knew waiting a whole weekend to see you was too long for me.  I love how you'd let me call you Feeeshy even though it was the most ridiculous name in the world.  I love how you could transform me.

Its been a month since I cried.  Well a month until yesterday.  Until yesterday I was literally unable to shed a tear for any reason be it physical pain or mental pain.  Yesterday I cried like a child while I sat in an over heated shower and I hated myself.  I hated myself because I can't function with out you.  I hated you for leaving me.  I hated Coldplay for writing a song for every problem in my life.  And I still do.  but thats more information than I care to share.

Blehh.

I have officially given up on trying to talk to people and let them know how I feel.  It's a real waste of my time.  It's like why bother if they really aren't listening or taking into consideration my feelings or giving a shit.  I'm done.

I don't know what counts and what doesn't...

So... Last week I blogged twice but I didnt know if on counts for last week and one counts for this week or what so I'm blogging just to make sure Mrs.Haskett takes a look at the other one if it counts... And if it doesnt count well then here is a blog to count forthis week.. I know it's not all that creative and what not but what can a girl do? :)

Things I actually Want to say....

• Oh hey.. your girlfriend is a bitch.
• I love you even though you think I hate you.
• No.. I actually hate you.
• Hey dad (insert punch to the jaw here)
• I'm not ok.
• I act this way to keep you from asking me how I really feel.
• I want to kick your shins in
• Your face makes me want to vomitt.
• You know you really aren't happy with her.
• You're just staying with her to prove a point.
• I think polar bears are the most deadly things in the world. go play with one.
• Go jump off a bridge. (oh wait I already said that one)
• Be more Independant bitch.
• Hey you. Fuck Off!
• Why don't you look up from that 10 sac we all know is in your pocket and pay attention.
• I do know what you're going through.
• I've been down that road a million times.
• Even if you think I'm a goody two shoes now.
• I enjoy old worn out records and converse.
• I hate getting dressed for school. so everyone wear sweats!

There is a million more but you know there is severall reasons why I don't/shouldn't say them.

April Showers bring May Flowers

I've always wondered about this phrase.  I mean don't get me wrong I know the literal meaning of it (when it rains in april it waters the ground so that the beautiful flowers will bloom in may.) But what if this wasn't the actual meaning. 
What if long ago there was a beautiful lady named April Showers who was totally in love with a man named Steven May.  She loved him so much that she brought him flowers.  Red Roses in fact. And he thought it was an interesting trait for a woman to have so he coined this phrase. And their relationship was as peaceful as any relationship could be and they lived happily ever after and all that jazz.
What if not too long ago a man with seriously messed up parents (messed up enough to name a boy April) was born.  He walked day after day past a bench with a tulip plant resting on either side.  He always thought that those flowers were pretty enough to be presented to an angel.  One day he found his angle and brought her to that very bench and said "May will you marry me" and the tale of the man and the womans love was passed down from generation to generation until practically the whole world knew the Story of April Showers bringing May to flowers. but the unimportant words were droped to make it easier to say causing it to become April Showers bring May flowers.
What if April Showers was a bitch in HighSchool and one day she decided she wanted to be nice to every one she had ever done wrong. and she wanted to start off by making things right between her and her old best friend May.  So she brought her a bundle of sunflowers and marigolds and all the beautiful flowers May was fond of.  and they became best friends again.
What if it really is just a tale of the seasons.  And there is nothing special behind it at all...

Well then I think that would be a waste of a good story.

Crooked Nose

a broken nose.
i can handle that pain.

a family torn apart.
thats nothing new to me.

But a brother causing these things.
i can't seem to wrap my mind about that.

i wasnt at school today. because when i woke up my face was in more pain and more swollen than when i went to sleep.
Last night my brother went crazy and punched me repeatedly. when i called for my dad he made our altercation my fault.
so i got ready to leave to go to my moms house.  i was three steps out the door when my mom called me again and asked me if i could bring her some tylenol.
so i went back in the house. and my brother and i got into it again.  and it ended with him punching me in the nose.
Normally when i get hit in the nose nothing happens.. i guess you could say i have a strong nose? normally it doesnt bleed... ever. but he punch me so hard it is now slightly crooked and it bled quite a bit. 
Nothing happened to him. again this was all my fault.
i just dont understand.  Honestly. im a straight A student. a vasity athelete. and i dont really party or do drugs. 
yet still im the one who gets blamed. and has to live through this hell.
i cannot wait to be out of here.
im more than done.