When the truth is I miss you.

While I was in the pool yesterday you drove by.  And I couldnt help but wonder if you knew I was in that pool.  If you knew, it was that very street you were driving on, that I first realized I loved every thing about you.  If you knew that my house was only a left turn and a right turn away.  If you drove that way on purpose.  If you ever thought about me because the whole world knows I always think about you.  If you tell her all the things you promised me.  If you ever consider coming back.  If you ever consider my beautiful blue eyes.  If you ever sing her Pink Floyd.  If you ever miss me the way I miss you.

I always tell my self that if you ever came back to me that I'd turn you away... but I know that I never could.  I love you.  I love who you made me.  I love the feeling of your lips on my forehead.  I love the way you'd always call me sunshine when you knew I wasn't in a good mood.  I love the way you could talk to me for a complete day and never run out of things to say.  I loved how you'd show up at my house at mid night because you knew waiting a whole weekend to see you was too long for me.  I love how you'd let me call you Feeeshy even though it was the most ridiculous name in the world.  I love how you could transform me.

Its been a month since I cried.  Well a month until yesterday.  Until yesterday I was literally unable to shed a tear for any reason be it physical pain or mental pain.  Yesterday I cried like a child while I sat in an over heated shower and I hated myself.  I hated myself because I can't function with out you.  I hated you for leaving me.  I hated Coldplay for writing a song for every problem in my life.  And I still do.  but thats more information than I care to share.